What To Do When You Hate Your Destination

Shame. Pressure. Guilt. These aren’t words we normally associate with travel. But what happens when you aren’t happy on vacation? What happens when you and your dreamed-of travel destination just don’t “click”? It’s an awful feeling. It feels like a waste and all kinds of guilt and pressure wash over you. Who are you to dislike a whole country? To waste your travel opportunity? But you’re only human, and, inevitably, you won’t adore every single place you see. So what do you do when you hate your destination?

*Travel is incredible, but sometimes you just feel **this** exact level of exhaustion.*

A Case Study:

A few years ago, I had what was, without a doubt, one of the most epically disastrous trips I’ve ever had. My friends and family all know the saga. And if you read about whether or not Travel is Worth the Trouble, you probably know too. To make a long story short, I went to Malysia and stayed somewhere with bedbugs. I had a minor meltdown, changed hostels, warned them what I might be dealing with, and was told “oh don’t worry, we deal with that all the time, come on in.” As you might imagine, this did not sound good, and it definitely made me wonder if I’d ever sleep well again.

While this was happening, I also had the misfortunate of drawing out all kinds of obnoxious men who followed me around at one site or another. I felt uncomfortable walking around, and uncomfortable sleeping. I was alone and tired and miserable in Malaysia.

This was made all the worse because who was I to be unhappy in this beautiful and culture-rich place? What kind of tourist hates their destination? What kind of traveler wants to just go home?

I felt so guilty.

Malaysia was just not working for me and I felt so bad about it. I wanted to explore and eat and love the country. Instead I was sitting in a laundromat in Kuala Lumpur, practically incinerating my belongings so as not to bring bugs home as souvenirs.

I desperately tried to suppress a rising panic. I wanted to be the light-hearted traveler that just loves everything and sings bedbugs away like a Disney princess. But I just wanted to go home. I did not want to be in Malaysia.

*I wanted to be this excited in Kuala Lumpur, but* *that Singapore enthusiasm level never came.*

And that’s a dirty travel secret. Sometimes, you just don’t like where you are. I mean, how can you possibly love everywhere? Statistically, that’s just not likely. Some places maybe suck. Or maybe (and this is much more likely) things just aren’t working out and you feel out of sorts and you apply that feeling to your new location.

But there are a few ways to cope when you hate your destination, especially because you probably don’t really hate your destination altogether. You’re probably just having a pretty bad time. And you can definitely salvage this kind of trip.

Here’s what to do when you hate your destination:

Phone a friend. You might want to vent. You probably need to. Get the stress off your chest. Don’t internalize the pressure to love your destination. Get ahold of someone and tell them you just need to talk out what’s bothering you. There’s Facetime, Skype, What’sApp and more. Just maybe be mindful of the time difference before you reach out to someone 😉
Indulge in familiarity. When I was living in China and even talking to a friend from home couldn’t comfort me, I would hop on a train and go to my favorite Starbucks to order a frappuccino and read. Yes, I am 100% recommending a basic chain coffeeshop. I also recommend going to an expat bar or a restaurant that serves food from your home-country. It sounds unorthodox as hell and is not at all why you traveled so far, but I can’t recommend it enough. That little bit of home- that familiarity – can truly bolster you to keep exploring the unfamiliar. Don’t judge yourself for wanting a burger. Dig in.

*This isn’t what you’d call a point of pride, but nothing else calms down homesickness quite like this kind of “normal.”*

Get comfy. In Malaysia, I cashed in on rewards points and checked into a Hilton, ‘cause I’d be damned if I was spending one more night in a hostel that was perfectly ok with bedbugs. I had a gorgeous view, I was in a fluffy robe and I had room service. Bliss.
Seek out peace. The Hilton alone did not salvage my Malaysia trip. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my time in a hotel, no matter how pretty. So I sought out pockets of silence and I went to the Islamic Arts Museum of Malaysia (go there if you ever go to Malaysia, it’s incredible.) No, it wasn’t a familiar setting in a way. But it was peaceful and beautiful. The art and history took me far away from the stressful settings of a major city. I even had a surprisingly amazing meal at the museum and aside from courteous servers, I was wholly undisturbed for hours. It was exactly what I needed.
Finally, once you’re feeling up for it, read about where you are. Read about why people love it and why it’s a place people want to visit. It can help you readjust your mentality and you can open back up to the possibilities of the likely wonderful place you’re in.

*Look at these places and tell me Malaysia isn’t stunning. I had a rough time, but I will be the first to tell you that the country is beautiful.*

I didn’t stay stress free the rest of my time in Malaysia, and I wouldn’t exactly call the trip a massive success. But I did feel much better after taking a bit of a travel break. And I can say that the country is beautiful, the food is amazing, and I’m glad I gave it as much of a chance as I could.

You don’t have to love everywhere you go. It isn’t a moral failing and you aren’t a bad traveler if you happen to find that a place isn’t doing it for you. You’re human, this happens, and it’s OK. Travel comes with plenty of trials and lots of errors.